More fucking Daylight Savings Time??

When people go through the ritual of moving their clocks forward each spring ushering in daylight-saving time, they're also saving energy - the equivalent of thousands of barrels of oil, in fact. Congress says a good thing can be made better.

Okay, I know that not everyone "celebrates" DST, like Maine. What about them? Are we considering all the facts?

"We all just feel sunnier after we set the clocks ahead,"

Ah, yes, it makes me feel ever so much better to know that our lawmakers are using such intelligent adjectives to describe such important and life-changing policy.

"In addition to the benefits of energy savings," he said, it means "less crime, fewer traffic fatalities, more recreation time and increased economic activity. Daylight savings just bring a smile to everybody's face."

How the fuck will there be less crime? More darkness=more crime. Criminals like the dark, idiots, ask the police. And how are there fewer traffic fatalities? Where are the substantiating facts? Why not just say that increasing DST will stop terrorism, decrease pre-marital sex, solve the abortion issue, and turn gay people straight? Fuck.