Are you a tard?

I've thought a lot about this, and I wonder...wouldn't the definition of 'retarded' be 'to be tarded again?' So, wouldn't one have to first be a 'tard' to subsequently be 'retarded?' Is the rampant misuse of this word evidence of America's dumbing down? Or do I just have too much free time on my hands?

Speaking of free time, have you seen the eHarmony commericials, with the founder and all the lovely heterosexual couples who are (supposedly) living happy lives they started through eHarmony? Not only have I seen merely two black couples and no other races or biracial relationships, I've not seen any homosexuals who've found happiness through the service. We know that gay people always look fab, so it can't be that they can't find a photogenic couple. Perhaps homosexuals can't find love of eHarmony. And speaking of homosexuals, have you ever seen Dr. Neil Clark Warren, the founder of eHarmony, with his partner, hetero or otherwise? Obviously he hasn't used the service. Hey Neil, you can find your soulmate at eHarmony.com. Try it today and get a free personality profile.

Quick fact: that thing underneath your close button (in PC browsers) that animates when you're loading a webpage is called a "throbber." Yeah, you heard it here first.

Why me?

Typical conversation with my significant other:

C: I think Spazz [one of our cats] is gay.

Me: Why?

C: If Mosrael [another of our cats] were a boy, then she would be Phil [a gay guy we know].

Me: What does that have to do with Spazz?

C: If she were a boy, she would be gay and that would make Spazz gay...

Me: First, you're just hypothesizing about a hypothetical, and that's just ass-fucked retarded. Second...you know, there doesn't even need to be a second.