Jah, the pee cat

So, one fine day, Jah, our newest addition, had run into the bathroom with Chambers and was in his typical position watching the water. I'm sitting on the couch, about 10 feet away. Chambers flushes, and all I hear is "Where did all the pee go, Jah?"

At this point I should tell you that Jah loves to watch water. Water swirling, water cascading, water falling, water sitting. He loves the stuff. When you go to the bathroom, he runs in ahead of you to beat you to the toilet in hopes of watching you pee. In my case, he attempts to place himself in the 3 inches behind my ass and the back of the toilet. In Chambers' case, he puts his paws on the toilet seat and gazes into the depths of the bowl.

Having cats is like having kids. Fuck.

Come the fuck on...

I'm sure all you received the FBI email virus, and if you didn't, lucky you! I opened Thunderbird and started to sort through my copious emails. One immediately caught my eye: "IMPORTANT: Your IP address has been logged at several illegal sites." Well, I thought, that's a little weird. I look at the sender, and it says simply "FBI." Hmmm. I run my virus protection on it, and it comes up null (mainly because it had already cleaned it and I'm retarded), so I take a chance and open it. I really want to see what they think an FBI email would read like. I was appalled. I was amazed. I was laughing my ass off.

Dear Sir/Madam,

we have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.

Important:
Please answer our questions!
The list of questions are attached.

Yours faithfully,
Steven Allison

Look, first of all, if the FBI wanted to ask you questions, they would come to your door. They stop you outside of work. They call you the phone. They do not contact you by letter, electronic or otherwise. Secondly, what kind of illegal websites? Let's assume that the FBI is really contacting you regarding your illegal surfing habits. Pre-9/11 the FBI would have needed a warrant to "tap" your online habits, for the most part, which means they would have already have proof of your illegal surfing habits. Now of course, they can listen/watch/fuck with you whenever they damn well please. The FBI is not interested in music or movie downloading, no matter what the media might tell you. They are concerned with large-scale drug trafficking, smuggling, kidnapping/slave trade, child pornography/abuse, and terrorism, though not necessarily in that order. What makes them illegal? Are you searching kiddie porn, or are you just downloading music?

Listen fuckers, do you really think the FBI doesn't know someone's name? Or that they would attach "questions" for you to answer, then ask "please?" Come on fuckwads, don't you think we're smarter than that? Just because 51% of America is stupid doesn't mean the rest of us are.