Prayer Rug

I got my very own St. Matthew's prayer rug today, and I'm disappointed in several things. One, its not a rug. I mean, I knew that from the descriptions (One, Two, Three) but it was still rather depressing. I mean, don't I deserve an actual rug? I was also disappointed with the lack of prayer needs options. I mean, there was absolutely no option for "Stopping these ridiculously stupid people from scamming even stupider people." So, I had to write it in. I mean, if God was really sending me a prayer rug, don't you think he should have personalized it? He can make the world in 6 days but he can't put a little effort into a lousy prayer rug? Sheesh. And I'm a little wary about the testimonials. Everyone prays for something like $5,000 and they always get $7824.39. Its always some weird-ass number with change. What the hell? Is God charging sales tax? Shipping and handling? Can't he fucking round? I want even numbered payments, thank you.

So, I'm punishing everyone by not sending my prayer rug to another house that needs its blessing. Fuck you! You want a prayer rug? Pray for it! Maybe God will listen to you; he's sure not listening to me.