In the words of every rehab grad everywhere, I think I'm gonna be alright. I finally resisted the urge to put an exclamation point in my title. I can start counting from this moment. I can't wait until I can say, "I've been clean for 3 months." without ancillary punctuation.
However, I don't think I am going to get over my computer withdrawal. I have only been without my trusty blue laptop 4 days, and already my typing skills have gone the way of the turd sundae. Fucking Dell. Anyway, I always seem to have an excuse for my lack of posting, which turns into a flurry of posts. Which, now that I think about it, pretty much sums up blogs and their posts.
6.28.2005
6.26.2005
"Give me that katana, it's Seppuku time!"
Holy shit! I cannot believe my eyes. I just got done watching broadcast Fox's Sunday Animation Domination lineup, and I was completely offended. Was it the blatant disrespect for the reality television industry? No. Was it the representation of middle-class America being overweight slobs with no class or manners? No. Was it the generalization of conservative Republicans being neurotic, over-zealous, xenophobic religious whackos? Not a bit.
No, I was offended by the "warning" prior to the first Simpons episode:
"This episode contains discussion of same sex marriages. Viewer discretion is advised."
Whoa, hold the phone there. You mean, there is no viewer discretion for Bart being a completely rude degenerate? For Homer's child abuse and mysogynist behavior? For Lisa's overacheivment? For Marge's steady retrograde to the days of 50's housewives in pearls and high heels vaccuuming the carpet? (I love the Simpsons, so don't send my hate mail. I'm just proving a point here people, and if you can't get it, screw you. And the horse you rode in on. And your momma. That's right, your momma.)
This is the same channel that had a live video of an alien autopsy, for God's sake! They pay women to be gold-digging, heart-breaking sluts for prime-time. They signed a contract with Paris Hilton. Their list of human rights violations goes on and on, and yet we are being warned that this episode talks about same-sex marriage?
So, I called my mom, who is normally a very intelligent and forward-thinking woman. The problem: Fox News and the Atkin's diet. There is a terrible correlation between the two. Carbohydrates are brain food, the nectar of the grey matter. The Atkin's diet prescribes less carbs (my mom's on 30 a day) to discourage weight gain and promote weight loss. Less carbs = less brains. I believe the Fox News people either a) saw this coming and planned accordingly or b) invented the Atkin's diet and planned accordingly. Suddenly, there's this new news station and it shoots up to the top of the news ratings at the same time that much of America is eating less brain food.
Mom's been on the Atkin's diet for 5 years now, and her love and respect for Fox News have grown exponentially while her intellect and deductive reasoning skills have dwindled to the point of nonexistence. What did Mom say when I called and complained about the aforementioned warning label? Paraphrased:
Besides, ratings and warning labels mean nothing, or close enough to it. PG-13 still allows hell, damn, and shit, and gives us erotica like the garage sex in The Fast and the Furious. Plus, PG-13 movies can have alcohol and drug use, something that 13 year olds should definitely be kept away from, and I speak from experience here. My point is, that is a ridiculous warning to be on the episode. You should watch things with your kids to monitor their media intake; they'll probably ask you questions about stuff they don't understand, rather then their friends, and it will be so much easier to warp their little minds into carbon copies of you. Just think, no brainwashing to remove the stain of independence from their impressionable little minds. So watch objectionable stuff with your kids.
(Thanks to Chambers for the title.)
No, I was offended by the "warning" prior to the first Simpons episode:
"This episode contains discussion of same sex marriages. Viewer discretion is advised."
Whoa, hold the phone there. You mean, there is no viewer discretion for Bart being a completely rude degenerate? For Homer's child abuse and mysogynist behavior? For Lisa's overacheivment? For Marge's steady retrograde to the days of 50's housewives in pearls and high heels vaccuuming the carpet? (I love the Simpsons, so don't send my hate mail. I'm just proving a point here people, and if you can't get it, screw you. And the horse you rode in on. And your momma. That's right, your momma.)
This is the same channel that had a live video of an alien autopsy, for God's sake! They pay women to be gold-digging, heart-breaking sluts for prime-time. They signed a contract with Paris Hilton. Their list of human rights violations goes on and on, and yet we are being warned that this episode talks about same-sex marriage?
So, I called my mom, who is normally a very intelligent and forward-thinking woman. The problem: Fox News and the Atkin's diet. There is a terrible correlation between the two. Carbohydrates are brain food, the nectar of the grey matter. The Atkin's diet prescribes less carbs (my mom's on 30 a day) to discourage weight gain and promote weight loss. Less carbs = less brains. I believe the Fox News people either a) saw this coming and planned accordingly or b) invented the Atkin's diet and planned accordingly. Suddenly, there's this new news station and it shoots up to the top of the news ratings at the same time that much of America is eating less brain food.
Mom's been on the Atkin's diet for 5 years now, and her love and respect for Fox News have grown exponentially while her intellect and deductive reasoning skills have dwindled to the point of nonexistence. What did Mom say when I called and complained about the aforementioned warning label? Paraphrased:
"You know I don't like censorship, but when you have a cartoon, children are going to be drawn to it. When you talk about issues that are adult issues, issues that kids don't need to see, you should have a warning so kids aren't necessarily exposed to it."Whoa. I swear she wasn't like this when I was growing up. Can you hear the atrophied brain cells crying, begging for nourishment? When did repecting other people no matter who they are become an "adult issue?" Why did all my books as a kid end with the moral of "love everyone for who they are" if that's not kids stuff? More importantly, where are your kids going to learn tolerance if not from you? And why aren't you involved in what your kids are watching? My mom never let me just watch whatever I wanted. She made me cover my eyes during "love scenes" until I was 12.
Besides, ratings and warning labels mean nothing, or close enough to it. PG-13 still allows hell, damn, and shit, and gives us erotica like the garage sex in The Fast and the Furious. Plus, PG-13 movies can have alcohol and drug use, something that 13 year olds should definitely be kept away from, and I speak from experience here. My point is, that is a ridiculous warning to be on the episode. You should watch things with your kids to monitor their media intake; they'll probably ask you questions about stuff they don't understand, rather then their friends, and it will be so much easier to warp their little minds into carbon copies of you. Just think, no brainwashing to remove the stain of independence from their impressionable little minds. So watch objectionable stuff with your kids.
(Thanks to Chambers for the title.)
6.20.2005
Firefox 1337 extention
Oh my god...this is the coolest extension for Firefox ever. Even better than the Homeland Stupidity Idiocy Level. Check this post out:
()h my 60d...7h15 15 7h3 (00|357 3x73n510n f0r F1r3f0x 3v3r. 3v3n 83773r 7h4n 7h3 |-|0m3|4nd 57up1d17y 1d10(y L3v3|.
Yowza! (Y0wz4!)
()h my 60d...7h15 15 7h3 (00|357 3x73n510n f0r F1r3f0x 3v3r. 3v3n 83773r 7h4n 7h3 |-|0m3|4nd 57up1d17y 1d10(y L3v3|.
Yowza! (Y0wz4!)
6.11.2005
The St. John's debacle
I said I would tell you more about my dad's stay at St. John's, and I'm not lying. Its just a really long post, and I'm going to have to take a couple of days to write it. I just wanted you to know I didn't forget about you.
Today, Chambers bought some more geckos. I will post pictures as soon as I take some. One's a white line gecko and the other is some guy's name that starts with a 'B' that I don't really remember. Meh. We got into a fight about me being an "oppressive bitch" because I have the opinion that one shouldn't waste one's life playing EverCrack, the Sims, or WoW. Although we have worked it out, I feel there should be some clarification, if only for my own gratification.
Firstly, I don't think that the games themselves or all the people who play them are evil, or stupid, or genetically/intellectually inferior. Just most of them.
Secondly, I am referring to all online multi-player simulation games, not just the aforementioned ones. I wouldn't want anyone feeling left out.
Thirdly, I think that people who play the Sims are the saddest of the bunch, and should probably qualify for Social Security Disability. I mean, I don't want those people responsible for important tasks, like washing my car or picking up trash on the side of the road. They are obviously deeply troubled individuals whom we should care for while looking for the cure to their disease to prevent further infection. You are playing a simulation of life, for Christ's sake! That is the epitome of d-u-m. Allow me to demonstrate:
"[I]nteracting with lots of people all day makes you more comfortable being around lots of people in other situations." Whoa, hold the phone buddy. This is a breakthrough; you mean, doing something regularly breeds familiarity? Now where did I put the number for the Nobel Prize committee...
"I have a bad memory, so when i think of something i need to tell a friend I 'queue' it up like the Sims queues up actions." Since the average human brain can only remember 7 things at once, this leads me to believe that this person: a) has very few friends, b) does not have many experiences to share, or c) both. And since they obviously spend a lot of time on the Sims, the answer is most likely "c." Newsflash: online games do not lead to successful IRL (in real life) relationships. See above.
"i forget how to do something because i'm too busy trying to remember the cheat for how to get it done." A glimpse into the future for all gamers.
"So, you're telling me that I can create little people and then tell them what to do? And if I tire of them, I can lock them in a box and watch them die a slow, lingering death? Sweet!" This is the correct attitude to have if you're going to play any online multiplayer game. This should also be the point of any online multiplayer game.
"First you try playing the game, then you make all the Sims lesbians, then quit." See above.
There. Hopefully that clears everything up.
Today, Chambers bought some more geckos. I will post pictures as soon as I take some. One's a white line gecko and the other is some guy's name that starts with a 'B' that I don't really remember. Meh. We got into a fight about me being an "oppressive bitch" because I have the opinion that one shouldn't waste one's life playing EverCrack, the Sims, or WoW. Although we have worked it out, I feel there should be some clarification, if only for my own gratification.
Firstly, I don't think that the games themselves or all the people who play them are evil, or stupid, or genetically/intellectually inferior. Just most of them.
Secondly, I am referring to all online multi-player simulation games, not just the aforementioned ones. I wouldn't want anyone feeling left out.
Thirdly, I think that people who play the Sims are the saddest of the bunch, and should probably qualify for Social Security Disability. I mean, I don't want those people responsible for important tasks, like washing my car or picking up trash on the side of the road. They are obviously deeply troubled individuals whom we should care for while looking for the cure to their disease to prevent further infection. You are playing a simulation of life, for Christ's sake! That is the epitome of d-u-m. Allow me to demonstrate:
"[I]nteracting with lots of people all day makes you more comfortable being around lots of people in other situations." Whoa, hold the phone buddy. This is a breakthrough; you mean, doing something regularly breeds familiarity? Now where did I put the number for the Nobel Prize committee...
"I have a bad memory, so when i think of something i need to tell a friend I 'queue' it up like the Sims queues up actions." Since the average human brain can only remember 7 things at once, this leads me to believe that this person: a) has very few friends, b) does not have many experiences to share, or c) both. And since they obviously spend a lot of time on the Sims, the answer is most likely "c." Newsflash: online games do not lead to successful IRL (in real life) relationships. See above.
"i forget how to do something because i'm too busy trying to remember the cheat for how to get it done." A glimpse into the future for all gamers.
"So, you're telling me that I can create little people and then tell them what to do? And if I tire of them, I can lock them in a box and watch them die a slow, lingering death? Sweet!" This is the correct attitude to have if you're going to play any online multiplayer game. This should also be the point of any online multiplayer game.
"First you try playing the game, then you make all the Sims lesbians, then quit." See above.
There. Hopefully that clears everything up.
6.05.2005
Fireworks!
I found this list of fireworks that were cool from our 4th of July party last year. I thought I'd share them with you guys. Keep in mind that I'm in the midwest, so you may not be able to find these in your town. Just ask your friendly neighborhood fireworks outlet for a similar product. Just like drug dealers, they want you to go home with something.
Without further ado... (note: they go from cheap, short fireworks to larger, more expensive ones)
Without further ado... (note: they go from cheap, short fireworks to larger, more expensive ones)
- Googles
- Flying Bees (AKA Bumbly Bees)
- Ephereal
- Double Whammy
- Fire of Star
- Fire Dance
- Black Cat Blue Candle (roman candle)
- Silver Fox
- Jack in the Box
- Screaming Eagles
- Saturn Missle 300 Shot
- Magnum Mortar
- Color me America (good despite its blatantly conservative title)
- Dragon's Fire
- Thundering Delight
- Willow
- Blue Stars
- Diamonds in the Dark
- Pop Goes the Fountain (very long and cheap - good buy)
- Cloud Dragon (cool but short)
- The Wizard
- Party Shots
- Twitter Glitter
- Magician
- Double Victory
- Garden in Spring
- Anniversary Night
- Sky Candy (freakin' sweet)
- Punk Rockers
- Barrel of Bangs
- RLO (?) Roman Shot
- Rainbow Fountain (looks like a rainbow)
Yay! I'm back!
I'm sure you're all thrilled.
Well, after a few crazy fucking weeks, I'm back to blogging and generally hanging out online and making a nuicence of myself. Where do people find the time anymore to do anything? I have chores to do all over the house, but I can't seem to find the time, with my Flickr posts and blogging and web design, I hardly have a moment's peace. So, since penicillin kills germs, I guess my dishes are pretty clean now.
Let's see, what has happened? Well, my dad went into the hospital, but he's out now. More on that later. My mom couldn't walk 'cause she had "the gout." What the fuck is up with placing a definite article in front of medical disorders? "I've got the cancer," "She gave me the genital warts," "My dog got the neutering." Look, everyone gets their own personal cancer/genital warts/etc, there's not just one cancer going around infecting each person. That's lawyers.
Now that that's out of the way, where was I? Oh yes, boring you with my tedious month. After Mom got over gout one of my cats died, practically in my lap. My cousin went in for chest surgery yesterday to cure and prevent a virual infection (see my rant about hostipals tomorrow).
What a fucking month. And I start summer school on Monday. $984 for 5 credit hours this summer. What is this, Stanford?
Well, after a few crazy fucking weeks, I'm back to blogging and generally hanging out online and making a nuicence of myself. Where do people find the time anymore to do anything? I have chores to do all over the house, but I can't seem to find the time, with my Flickr posts and blogging and web design, I hardly have a moment's peace. So, since penicillin kills germs, I guess my dishes are pretty clean now.
Let's see, what has happened? Well, my dad went into the hospital, but he's out now. More on that later. My mom couldn't walk 'cause she had "the gout." What the fuck is up with placing a definite article in front of medical disorders? "I've got the cancer," "She gave me the genital warts," "My dog got the neutering." Look, everyone gets their own personal cancer/genital warts/etc, there's not just one cancer going around infecting each person. That's lawyers.
Now that that's out of the way, where was I? Oh yes, boring you with my tedious month. After Mom got over gout one of my cats died, practically in my lap. My cousin went in for chest surgery yesterday to cure and prevent a virual infection (see my rant about hostipals tomorrow).
What a fucking month. And I start summer school on Monday. $984 for 5 credit hours this summer. What is this, Stanford?
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