Why me?

Typical conversation with my significant other:

C: I think Spazz [one of our cats] is gay.

Me: Why?

C: If Mosrael [another of our cats] were a boy, then she would be Phil [a gay guy we know].

Me: What does that have to do with Spazz?

C: If she were a boy, she would be gay and that would make Spazz gay...

Me: First, you're just hypothesizing about a hypothetical, and that's just ass-fucked retarded. Second...you know, there doesn't even need to be a second.